Sexy is a State of Mind
With Valentine’s Day almost here, there’s no shortage of articles about how to look sexy. Higher heels, shorter skirts, tighter jeans…the list of sometimes formulaic and uncomfortable options goes on and on. In contrast, articles about how to f-e-e-l sexy are in short supply. There is a marked difference between the two.
Looking sexy is all about the external (how you showcase the body), while feeling sexy is a state of mind. Looking sexy may be – at least in part – for others but feeling sexy is all for you. One might argue that, you cannot look sexy unless you feel sexy. Hmmm…While you may or may not agree, feeling sexy means exuding a certain confidence and loving yourself – no matter what you wear.
For some of us this comes quite naturally. For others it takes a bit of effort. No matter which camp you fall into, here are a few easy ways to honor yourself…and feel sexier in the process.
Make friends with the mirror. We are all unnecessarily hard on ourselves. I’ll never understand why we compare ourselves to others or to pictures in a favorite fashion magazine. This only leads to self-doubt and insecurity. Be that as it may, I suggest that you take the same energy and try this exercise instead. For the next week, stand in front of the mirror each morning and say (out loud) one thing that you love about yourself. Write it down and compile your ‘love list.’ Make sure to post it where you can see it on a daily basis to reinforce how truly fabulous you are.
Pamper yourself. Whether it’s a bubble bath, massage or a manicure, just do it! 
Chances are that you run around and do so much for others, you forget to honor and give yourself a little TLC. There may be many reasons why you feel you shouldn’t (I’ve heard them all) but two very good reasons why you should – because you love yourself and because it f-e-e-l-s good. After all…Isn’t that what sexy is all about?
Be scentsational. Is there a certain scent that just does it for you? Make sure to incorporate it into your daily dressing routine. But instead of spritzing on the perfume, opt for the subtlety of a scented soap and/or moisturizer. Wearing fragrance in this way means that you may be the only one that can smell it, but isn’t that the point? You are doing this just for you.
Wrap yourself in luxe fabrics. Make no mistake here. I am not suggesting that you 
should change your style or dress provocatively. Instead I am encouraging you to look at whatever items you love to wear and make sure they are made of fabrics that feel good against the skin. Think soft cottons, yummy cashmeres, sumptuous silks and so on. Make it a point to wear only those things that feel delicious – and that you feel delicious in.
Choose underwear that’s fun to wear. R
egardless of the clothes you sport, it’s what’s underneath that counts. Look through your lingerie drawer and throw away anything that’s torn, faded or loved-to-death. Replace those items with others that make you feel special. Nothing makes you feel sexy like a well-fitting bra – especially those of the push-up variety (smile). While we all know that thong underwear adds a certain allure, don’t underestimate the playfulness of boy-shorts. Even if you stick with the basics, opt for a lingerie or specialty store instead of a larger department store for the prettiest versions of your wardrobe staples.
Engage in a little harmless flirting. Whether you are in a committed relationship or
not, you can’t deny the ego boost that can accompany a little extra attention. So go ahead. Play with your hair, bat those eyelashes and give a strategic smile here or there. After all, a little innocent flirting can make you (as well as the other person) feel more attractive. Just make sure to keep it easy-going, brief and out of the office.
With February being the unofficial month of love, there’s no better time than now to honor and embrace your sexy self. If you think that feeling sexy is not your ‘thing,’ you may be ignoring this playful part of your personality. Why not embrace it… not for someone else’s benefit, but for you own?
A colleague once shared a quote from Dita Von Teese (a contemporary burlesque performer and fashion icon) that I never forgot. Dita said: “It’s not about seducing men, it’s about embracing womanhood.” I couldn’t agree more.
